69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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