Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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