Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
