Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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