cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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