I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
