CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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