the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
