i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
