I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
