I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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