Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
