Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
