my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
