Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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