how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
