Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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