Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
