Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My bed smells like the plague
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