Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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