Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found puke in my bra..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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