I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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