called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
