So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
