The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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