My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
