i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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