guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
