Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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