Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
