grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
