I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
