Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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