We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
