Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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