i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She told me I should be a condom model.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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