i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
