We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
