I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
