The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
