she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
