Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
