I just pynch a tree in the face
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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