turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
