Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
