I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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