Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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