I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
