did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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