i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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