Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
