drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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