if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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