I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
