big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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