evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
