in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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