All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
