I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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