What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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