There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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