Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
