I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The best revenge is premature balding
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
