Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ruined the universe
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
