Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.