I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.