Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off