i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor