is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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