every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
