Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if only i could text you this smell
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
