Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize