So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
